Named after the shepherdess in Virgil's pastoral Eclogues. The Greek word amarysso means "to sparkle." In Victorian times, an "amaryllis" was a strong, confident, and beautiful woman.
[comes to find you post cyoa and breakin my life is a MESS
it'll probably be really late in the night, but she's kind of just looking for aerith's room, wandering around. she should not be walking, but hey. whatever. she's fine. dying really fixes you up, ig?]
[THE WAY SHE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW KARLACH DIED AGAIN.
it's fine, she is unaware. cloud has perhaps stepped out for a moment at aerith's request for something so it's easy enough to find her apartment, given the door's open a crack and there's low light coming from it. here isthe general view, though the bed is obviously bigger and there are a few more bookshelves filled with crystals and books and plants. there's also what looks like a large cozy sitting chair and a small table.
she's bundled under a blanket on the bed, curled up on what's probably her half and staring off into a corner of the room like she's looking at another person. she looks unnaturally pale, and while it might be hard to notice at first, her eyes are glowing a little. she's still light sensitive, so her eyes are only partially open...and of course she's wearing a new cute black choker. little bit of gold on it...circuit-like detailing. there's also a preserved black familiar-looking flower in a small vase on the windowsill by the bed.
but karlach knows that, doesn't she? they were both there. so when she appears in the doorway there is zero emotional response like aerith has shut herself off temporarily, and she doesn't even notice at first. but that doesn't stop her from speaking up.]
You never did say what was wrong with my real body.
[she just kind of... leans against the doorframe. doesn't get closer. she's afraid to, the guilt curling under her skin. it's probably better to stay over here, anyway. she's sweating, and having a hard time seeing straight.]
... Thought you were a Reliver. [she says, finally.] They said it was God's work, to take you out.
[well she hears that and she startles suddenly, head whipping to look at the door in alarm and immediately flinching. ouchie. there's surprise though, eyes a little wider and glowing brightly for a second.]
Oh, Karlach. I didn't hear you come in. [it's...tentative, a little stiff and unsure, but there's the undercurrent of concern.] ...how are you feeling now?
...tired, I guess. [that's a good consensus, and maybe it's a safer answer than "disconnected from reality but it doesn't matter because i'm not really me anyway."] It's been a little weird trying to get back into it when we were only gone for a few hours instead of our whole lives.
[she's pushing herself up a little more to look at her better, still squinting at her in the doorway. it's...troubling, what happened to the two of them. the four of them. the six of them. and aerith has been struggling trying to come to terms with what happened versus how it happened versus what she knows about that island and the people there.
in the end, she's quiet before she looks away.]
...you weren't you. And I wasn't really me either. [...] Your head...it felt a little fuzzy, didn't it? Because of something they gave you, to make sure you'd cooperate.
...it was a lot of trash. [she concedes to that, emotions flickering toward thoughtful.] That should have been my real clue it wasn't really you, but...it was true. I couldn't tell you then, because I didn't care. All I wanted to do was stop you like I stopped Yuffie, but...I was just a back-up. I was never meant to live anyway. Zack said everything was done because it was too risky to try on my real body, and...maybe that's why.
But the church told you killing people who weren't real was...like saving them, in a way, wasn't it? That we were demons who had to be purified to appease god.
Sort of. I watched my dad beat my mum to death, and he was a Reliver, so I already... I believed it, already. That you were all demons, but I don't think all of you were, is the thing.
So that's who you meant. ["Fucking monster. Haven't got a soul. You're waiting to snap, just like my--"] ...that must have been jarring to come back from. You loved your parents so much. Your real ones.
[SHE REMEMBERS THAT MEMSHARE.]
...I don't know. Zack never really explained when I asked. Just said I had died, and that all of the tests were too risky to do on my real body. So there were copies of me. I'm one of them, I guess.
You grew up in a city, with your parents Pluck and Caerlack Cliffgate. It was a house where everyone loved each other, and your parents would laugh and dance in your kitchen and you loved them more than you could really say. Your mom died when you were a teenager, and your dad a few years later, but that didn't mean anything. Even if you were on your own, you loved them and missed them and visited their graves. You would take your friends to meet them, tell them how you were doing, and you wondered if you would get to see them again. But your mom believed that death wasn't the end. It was just a change. So you wanted to hold that hope that you'd get to be with them again later.
Gortash...came later, and tricked you into something awful. But you survived it and pulled yourself back out. Fell in with your friends. And you love them and they love you just like family, because you're the person who cares almost too much about other people.
some of it sounds right. she doesn't remember - anything, really, about her parents. she doesn't remember them. but she knows there's something missing inside her, and she thinks that maybe that's what it is. but the rest of it - the rest is good.
a deep breath.]
I care about you, Aerith. [along the vein of caring too much about other people, but. she wants aerith to know that, when she's sitting here trying to remind karlach of who she is while in the middle of the worst fucking brain soup there is.]
[we are both missing things but hers is a little different, maybe. everybody is out here with soup brain and she doesn't know if karlach is missing something important because of her healing or because of what they experienced, but does it even matter? it doesn't, to her. what matters is reminding karlach of what's true.]
...that's why you came back here, isn't it? [which is a little easier and probably better to say than going "i know." because to be honest, she doesn't entirely know after what happened. but she does know she and karlach are friends. karlach has always been good to her, some of the best company...so isn't that exactly why the fog turned her against her?] If you didn't...we'd probably be avoiding each other until I could come find you myself.
[which is why the next thing she says is...]
You can come in if you want. The...[she glances at the large chair in her room, but she frowns suddenly. okay. so that's currently occupied by a hallucination. that's fine.] The doorway's probably not too comfortable. You're still healing, right? Come sit.
[it's actually a secret third thing which is that she died in her break-in, but aerith is right, it doesn't matter.
she's a little disoriented, and she's going through the worst detox in her entire life, but she can manage this. aerith says you came back, you can come in, and karlach drags herself up to her feet to try and make it in. she doesn't bother sitting in the chair, she just comes over to the bed and sits next to it on the floor. she folds her arms, resting them on the edge of the bed, and leans against the frame, resting her head on top of her arms. this works.
it's a familiar position, even. she did this with daan more times than she can count.]
I think it is, yeah. [she says, finally.] Think that's why this hurt so bad.
[YES SHE FINDS THIS OUT ON FRIDAY FROM DAAN AND SHE'S GOING TO BE SO MAD OOOOUGH.
but for now, it doesn't matter. what matters is karlach is coming to sit on the floor, and aerith is doing her best to sit up a little higher so they're closer. she gives up about halfway, but she gently plops a hand on her head. pat.]
Yup. It's always hard when you want what's best for a person, but you're not sure if you're that best thing right now. Worse, still, when you know you've actively hurt someone you knew you never wanted to make things worse for. It's easier to fight against people you don't care about, or people you don't agree with...but that's what makes this place hard, too. All of us are put in positions where we're facing off against our friends, even if our friends don't realize it in the moment.
...it's not really the kind of thing you get past so easily either.
You've always got some wisdom to say, huh. [she says, faintly amused.] ... It's alright if you can't get past it. Figure someone around here ought to be mad at me for killing them.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
w5, THURSDAY
it'll probably be really late in the night, but she's kind of just looking for aerith's room, wandering around. she should not be walking, but hey. whatever. she's fine. dying really fixes you up, ig?]
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it's fine, she is unaware. cloud has perhaps stepped out for a moment at aerith's request for something so it's easy enough to find her apartment, given the door's open a crack and there's low light coming from it. here is the general view, though the bed is obviously bigger and there are a few more bookshelves filled with crystals and books and plants. there's also what looks like a large cozy sitting chair and a small table.
she's bundled under a blanket on the bed, curled up on what's probably her half and staring off into a corner of the room like she's looking at another person. she looks unnaturally pale, and while it might be hard to notice at first, her eyes are glowing a little. she's still light sensitive, so her eyes are only partially open...and of course she's wearing a new cute black choker. little bit of gold on it...circuit-like detailing. there's also a preserved black familiar-looking flower in a small vase on the windowsill by the bed.
but karlach knows that, doesn't she? they were both there. so when she appears in the doorway there is zero emotional response like aerith has shut herself off temporarily, and she doesn't even notice at first. but that doesn't stop her from speaking up.]
You never did say what was wrong with my real body.
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... Thought you were a Reliver. [she says, finally.] They said it was God's work, to take you out.
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Oh, Karlach. I didn't hear you come in. [it's...tentative, a little stiff and unsure, but there's the undercurrent of concern.] ...how are you feeling now?
[how's your soupbrain.]
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how are you feeling is a fun question! bad! there's that bass-boosted guilt, and nausea, and everything in between.]
Tired. [is the only answer that she can give that isn't going to get her scolded, really.] ... You okay?
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[she's still having problems remembering which one is her.]
... I'm sorry. [just sits in the doorway.] Aerith.
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in the end, she's quiet before she looks away.]
...you weren't you. And I wasn't really me either. [...] Your head...it felt a little fuzzy, didn't it? Because of something they gave you, to make sure you'd cooperate.
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[or - rather, she's coming down from it, but the point remains. silence, for a moment.]
It wasn't me, but it was. Still my hands that did it, still my mouth that said all that trash at you.
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But the church told you killing people who weren't real was...like saving them, in a way, wasn't it? That we were demons who had to be purified to appease god.
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Sort of. I watched my dad beat my mum to death, and he was a Reliver, so I already... I believed it, already. That you were all demons, but I don't think all of you were, is the thing.
[a beat.]
You were a what? A backup?
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[SHE REMEMBERS THAT MEMSHARE.]
...I don't know. Zack never really explained when I asked. Just said I had died, and that all of the tests were too risky to do on my real body. So there were copies of me. I'm one of them, I guess.
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anyway. a beat, then:]
You're not. Not now. You're you.
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Do you know who you are right now?
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... Yes? I think.
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Tell me about her. Who is Karlach right now...?
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... Grew up in the Gate. On the streets, mostly. Since I was small. Gortash... picked me up at eighteen?
[but that doesn't sound right, and she's aware it doesn't.]
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Not quite. ...do you want to hear about the Karlach I know?
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[dubiously, but.]
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Gortash...came later, and tricked you into something awful. But you survived it and pulled yourself back out. Fell in with your friends. And you love them and they love you just like family, because you're the person who cares almost too much about other people.
That's my Karlach.
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some of it sounds right. she doesn't remember - anything, really, about her parents. she doesn't remember them. but she knows there's something missing inside her, and she thinks that maybe that's what it is. but the rest of it - the rest is good.
a deep breath.]
I care about you, Aerith. [along the vein of caring too much about other people, but. she wants aerith to know that, when she's sitting here trying to remind karlach of who she is while in the middle of the worst fucking brain soup there is.]
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...that's why you came back here, isn't it? [which is a little easier and probably better to say than going "i know." because to be honest, she doesn't entirely know after what happened. but she does know she and karlach are friends. karlach has always been good to her, some of the best company...so isn't that exactly why the fog turned her against her?] If you didn't...we'd probably be avoiding each other until I could come find you myself.
[which is why the next thing she says is...]
You can come in if you want. The...[she glances at the large chair in her room, but she frowns suddenly. okay. so that's currently occupied by a hallucination. that's fine.] The doorway's probably not too comfortable. You're still healing, right? Come sit.
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she's a little disoriented, and she's going through the worst detox in her entire life, but she can manage this. aerith says you came back, you can come in, and karlach drags herself up to her feet to try and make it in. she doesn't bother sitting in the chair, she just comes over to the bed and sits next to it on the floor. she folds her arms, resting them on the edge of the bed, and leans against the frame, resting her head on top of her arms. this works.
it's a familiar position, even. she did this with daan more times than she can count.]
I think it is, yeah. [she says, finally.] Think that's why this hurt so bad.
It's worse when you care a whole lot.
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but for now, it doesn't matter. what matters is karlach is coming to sit on the floor, and aerith is doing her best to sit up a little higher so they're closer. she gives up about halfway, but she gently plops a hand on her head. pat.]
Yup. It's always hard when you want what's best for a person, but you're not sure if you're that best thing right now. Worse, still, when you know you've actively hurt someone you knew you never wanted to make things worse for. It's easier to fight against people you don't care about, or people you don't agree with...but that's what makes this place hard, too. All of us are put in positions where we're facing off against our friends, even if our friends don't realize it in the moment.
...it's not really the kind of thing you get past so easily either.
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she will take the head pat though.]
You've always got some wisdom to say, huh. [she says, faintly amused.] ... It's alright if you can't get past it. Figure someone around here ought to be mad at me for killing them.
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