Named after the shepherdess in Virgil's pastoral Eclogues. The Greek word amarysso means "to sparkle." In Victorian times, an "amaryllis" was a strong, confident, and beautiful woman.
[we are both missing things but hers is a little different, maybe. everybody is out here with soup brain and she doesn't know if karlach is missing something important because of her healing or because of what they experienced, but does it even matter? it doesn't, to her. what matters is reminding karlach of what's true.]
...that's why you came back here, isn't it? [which is a little easier and probably better to say than going "i know." because to be honest, she doesn't entirely know after what happened. but she does know she and karlach are friends. karlach has always been good to her, some of the best company...so isn't that exactly why the fog turned her against her?] If you didn't...we'd probably be avoiding each other until I could come find you myself.
[which is why the next thing she says is...]
You can come in if you want. The...[she glances at the large chair in her room, but she frowns suddenly. okay. so that's currently occupied by a hallucination. that's fine.] The doorway's probably not too comfortable. You're still healing, right? Come sit.
[it's actually a secret third thing which is that she died in her break-in, but aerith is right, it doesn't matter.
she's a little disoriented, and she's going through the worst detox in her entire life, but she can manage this. aerith says you came back, you can come in, and karlach drags herself up to her feet to try and make it in. she doesn't bother sitting in the chair, she just comes over to the bed and sits next to it on the floor. she folds her arms, resting them on the edge of the bed, and leans against the frame, resting her head on top of her arms. this works.
it's a familiar position, even. she did this with daan more times than she can count.]
I think it is, yeah. [she says, finally.] Think that's why this hurt so bad.
[YES SHE FINDS THIS OUT ON FRIDAY FROM DAAN AND SHE'S GOING TO BE SO MAD OOOOUGH.
but for now, it doesn't matter. what matters is karlach is coming to sit on the floor, and aerith is doing her best to sit up a little higher so they're closer. she gives up about halfway, but she gently plops a hand on her head. pat.]
Yup. It's always hard when you want what's best for a person, but you're not sure if you're that best thing right now. Worse, still, when you know you've actively hurt someone you knew you never wanted to make things worse for. It's easier to fight against people you don't care about, or people you don't agree with...but that's what makes this place hard, too. All of us are put in positions where we're facing off against our friends, even if our friends don't realize it in the moment.
...it's not really the kind of thing you get past so easily either.
You've always got some wisdom to say, huh. [she says, faintly amused.] ... It's alright if you can't get past it. Figure someone around here ought to be mad at me for killing them.
Comes with being an Ancient. [it's a groggy kind of joke, something she says without thinking and without knowing if karlach even knows what she's talking about. she can't remember. we are soup-brained for a bit.]
...Karlach. If I couldn't be mad at Lucas, what makes you think I could be mad at you? I should be mad. I know that. And I'm mad about what was done to all of us. But it's harder to apply the anger directly to you and your hands.
[she vaguely remembers this from a memory, but... she puts a pin in that for a moment, because it seems like a lot to ask about when they're both struggling to remember who they actually are.
there's a little scrunchy emotion at that. her tail wraps around her legs.]
I know, I know. [she keeps... hearing that. a beat.] You don't think it's your fault though, right?
No. And I don't think it's yours either. [firmly.] Of course there are choices we both made. It'd be silly to deny that. But I don't think those are choices we can really hold against each other, because we were pushed to make them by something else.
[she says, and that's honest. there's still... guilt, there, she still feels guilty because it's hard for her not to, even if she knows it wasn't her fault. that's just something she has to work through, and she's trying.
the acknowledgement is enough. it happened.]
I think both of us could use a break from being used.
[she still hasn't removed her hand from karlach's head, staring off into a point of the room for a moment.]
I think you're right about that one. [it's...tiring, she thinks.] It's...sometimes harder and harder to come back when things like this keep happening to you over and over again. But that's when we keep reminding each other that things can and will be different.
[she's busy rotating her palm so they can hold hands, sorry.]
...I'll try. [she says this mostly because she's always been so used to taking care of other people and looking out for herself, but also because she's currently unsure if it's even worth worrying about her when she's not sure she's going to stick around. whenever the real aerith returns...shouldn't karlach put her energy into that?
she seems to acknowledge it's a weird though though.]
Things will be different. No more being used. We'll do what's best for us and get ourselves out of here.
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...that's why you came back here, isn't it? [which is a little easier and probably better to say than going "i know." because to be honest, she doesn't entirely know after what happened. but she does know she and karlach are friends. karlach has always been good to her, some of the best company...so isn't that exactly why the fog turned her against her?] If you didn't...we'd probably be avoiding each other until I could come find you myself.
[which is why the next thing she says is...]
You can come in if you want. The...[she glances at the large chair in her room, but she frowns suddenly. okay. so that's currently occupied by a hallucination. that's fine.] The doorway's probably not too comfortable. You're still healing, right? Come sit.
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she's a little disoriented, and she's going through the worst detox in her entire life, but she can manage this. aerith says you came back, you can come in, and karlach drags herself up to her feet to try and make it in. she doesn't bother sitting in the chair, she just comes over to the bed and sits next to it on the floor. she folds her arms, resting them on the edge of the bed, and leans against the frame, resting her head on top of her arms. this works.
it's a familiar position, even. she did this with daan more times than she can count.]
I think it is, yeah. [she says, finally.] Think that's why this hurt so bad.
It's worse when you care a whole lot.
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but for now, it doesn't matter. what matters is karlach is coming to sit on the floor, and aerith is doing her best to sit up a little higher so they're closer. she gives up about halfway, but she gently plops a hand on her head. pat.]
Yup. It's always hard when you want what's best for a person, but you're not sure if you're that best thing right now. Worse, still, when you know you've actively hurt someone you knew you never wanted to make things worse for. It's easier to fight against people you don't care about, or people you don't agree with...but that's what makes this place hard, too. All of us are put in positions where we're facing off against our friends, even if our friends don't realize it in the moment.
...it's not really the kind of thing you get past so easily either.
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she will take the head pat though.]
You've always got some wisdom to say, huh. [she says, faintly amused.] ... It's alright if you can't get past it. Figure someone around here ought to be mad at me for killing them.
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...Karlach. If I couldn't be mad at Lucas, what makes you think I could be mad at you? I should be mad. I know that. And I'm mad about what was done to all of us. But it's harder to apply the anger directly to you and your hands.
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there's a little scrunchy emotion at that. her tail wraps around her legs.]
I know, I know. [she keeps... hearing that. a beat.] You don't think it's your fault though, right?
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[she says, and that's honest. there's still... guilt, there, she still feels guilty because it's hard for her not to, even if she knows it wasn't her fault. that's just something she has to work through, and she's trying.
the acknowledgement is enough. it happened.]
I think both of us could use a break from being used.
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I think you're right about that one. [it's...tiring, she thinks.] It's...sometimes harder and harder to come back when things like this keep happening to you over and over again. But that's when we keep reminding each other that things can and will be different.
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You ought to let me look out for you a bit, you know. Not that I don't appreciate you taking care of my brain, just, you know.
So. Things will be different. We're out. You're you, and I'm me. We'll be okay.
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...I'll try. [she says this mostly because she's always been so used to taking care of other people and looking out for herself, but also because she's currently unsure if it's even worth worrying about her when she's not sure she's going to stick around. whenever the real aerith returns...shouldn't karlach put her energy into that?
she seems to acknowledge it's a weird though though.]
Things will be different. No more being used. We'll do what's best for us and get ourselves out of here.