Named after the shepherdess in Virgil's pastoral Eclogues. The Greek word amarysso means "to sparkle." In Victorian times, an "amaryllis" was a strong, confident, and beautiful woman.
That's a good thing, though I do hope you'd at least tell me if I had. [instead of holding it back in case she thought it'd upset her.] But oh, I don't know. Ashlyn. Asa, maybe. Maybe Mathis. Cloud? Yuffie? Little things.
You haven't got to get good grades in conversations, you know. I'm sure they've said stuff to you that wasn't right. Hells, I know I have said shit to you that probably didn't fly.
Maybe not, but I should still know better by now. [she's older than all of them, and has experience, and should know not to be messy about her own personal feelings. she bats at her tail just as lightly though.]
It wouldn't be the first time people have said things to me that weren't so great. But it's okay. [is it.] It's still not what I want for them when we're all trying to figure out what to do next. They need less things to worry about, not more.
[tags all these back to harass aerith into talking about her feelings]
It's actually not okay! Aerith! [come on!!!] You've got to be a little less self-sacrificing, sweetheart. I know that's rich coming from me, but burying it all down because you don't want to worry people isn't going to work.
You're pretty young still, you know. It's okay not to be strong all the time.
[FJDLSAJSAFJ? she seems surprised by the exclamation, but like. fair, she guesses.]
I was gonna say...[yeah! they're both self-sacrificing! there is like a small collective of them that are all self-sacrificing that then yell at each other to stop being so. stupid.] It's not really that I'm trying to. It's just...you get it. It's hard. It's hard to say exactly how any of this feels or what I want to do about it even knowing that I can and I should.
...I'm not even sure I'm really that strong to begin with sometimes.
... I get it. But strength isn't about holding everything up by yourself, right? It's - a tool, a commodity. Everybody has got it, and they can lend you some if you ask. So if you don't believe in yourself enough, all you have to do is remember that everybody wants to help you as much as you want to help them.
And you do ask for help when you need it? You won't just be strong, you'll be fucking unbeatable.
[she just frowns because don't make that comparison, hey.]
That wasn't entirely what I meant...but I get it. And you're right. Strength is also knowing when to ask for help and how to really handle your feelings. [...] You're saying everything I'd say to someone else. But I think it's still trying to remember that after so many years not having that.
[aerith, age 7, wandering alone asking for help and going ignored. and it continued from there, only having a few people to rely on and coming to rely on herself. she found strength in protecting herself more than anything and applied it to others, and now trying to take it from others is still new and different. having friends like the rest of her party helps, of course, but...progress.]
For one thing, I'm surrounded by a lot of really strong fighters. [she is aware she's the squishy mage.] And...I know my power is important. And I know it can do great things. But sometimes I think I don't know how to do it right, or if it'll work the way I need it to. Like maybe even the things I am capable of really aren't enough.
Fighting isn't all there is. You're smart, you're fucking emotionally capable, right, that's something exactly four people in this entire dimension have got. [...] You're still learning, with your power. And I believe in you as a person enough that even if you don't know what to do, you'll try anyway.
Honestly, I think it's more important for people like you to be around than people like me - not that I'm putting myself down here, but what are a bunch of sword-swinging idiots going to do without the people like you backing them up, huh?
[karlach dunking most of this dimension gets her to smile a little because, well, true. everyone sure is emotionally repressed in so many ways. but she listens, and she ponders over this.]
Give people like me a reason to keep doing my best, for one. [to answer the question first.] It takes both kinds. I'm still trying to remember that, too. I think...all of us want the same thing. But also want to be the best for each other. Right? Most of us aren't selfish enough now to only care about ourselves.
[to her though, it's still about sometimes being worried about pulling her own weight.]
[we love women who're selfless and trying to figure out how to be more selfish.]
So what I'm hearing is we're both works in progress and other people are doing their best to make the lesson stick. Guess it'd be pretty rude not to listen.
Always. [there's a smile, but it's softer than usual.] I worry about you, so I always like to give you space and then check in. Just to make sure you're not trying to deal alone. And before you say it, yes, I'm trying to do better about that myself, too. It's what I've got people like you for.
[help she laughs, and just - scoots over to give her a hug.]
You've got me all figured out, huh. [amused. not wry or anything, she just thinks it's funny that aerith knows her so well.] Let's not be alone then, huh? Let's go for a walk. I could use that.
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You haven't to me at all, you know. [she tilts her head.] Screwing up with who?
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[taps her with her tail, gently.]
You haven't got to get good grades in conversations, you know. I'm sure they've said stuff to you that wasn't right. Hells, I know I have said shit to you that probably didn't fly.
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It wouldn't be the first time people have said things to me that weren't so great. But it's okay. [is it.] It's still not what I want for them when we're all trying to figure out what to do next. They need less things to worry about, not more.
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It's actually not okay! Aerith! [come on!!!] You've got to be a little less self-sacrificing, sweetheart. I know that's rich coming from me, but burying it all down because you don't want to worry people isn't going to work.
You're pretty young still, you know. It's okay not to be strong all the time.
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I was gonna say...[yeah! they're both self-sacrificing! there is like a small collective of them that are all self-sacrificing that then yell at each other to stop being so. stupid.] It's not really that I'm trying to. It's just...you get it. It's hard. It's hard to say exactly how any of this feels or what I want to do about it even knowing that I can and I should.
...I'm not even sure I'm really that strong to begin with sometimes.
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[she says, firmly.]
... I get it. But strength isn't about holding everything up by yourself, right? It's - a tool, a commodity. Everybody has got it, and they can lend you some if you ask. So if you don't believe in yourself enough, all you have to do is remember that everybody wants to help you as much as you want to help them.
And you do ask for help when you need it? You won't just be strong, you'll be fucking unbeatable.
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That wasn't entirely what I meant...but I get it. And you're right. Strength is also knowing when to ask for help and how to really handle your feelings. [...] You're saying everything I'd say to someone else. But I think it's still trying to remember that after so many years not having that.
[aerith, age 7, wandering alone asking for help and going ignored. and it continued from there, only having a few people to rely on and coming to rely on herself. she found strength in protecting herself more than anything and applied it to others, and now trying to take it from others is still new and different. having friends like the rest of her party helps, of course, but...progress.]
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her tail swishes gently.]
Yeah. Sometimes it takes a bit to stick. [...] What did you mean, then?
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Fighting isn't all there is. You're smart, you're fucking emotionally capable, right, that's something exactly four people in this entire dimension have got. [...] You're still learning, with your power. And I believe in you as a person enough that even if you don't know what to do, you'll try anyway.
Honestly, I think it's more important for people like you to be around than people like me - not that I'm putting myself down here, but what are a bunch of sword-swinging idiots going to do without the people like you backing them up, huh?
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Give people like me a reason to keep doing my best, for one. [to answer the question first.] It takes both kinds. I'm still trying to remember that, too. I think...all of us want the same thing. But also want to be the best for each other. Right? Most of us aren't selfish enough now to only care about ourselves.
[to her though, it's still about sometimes being worried about pulling her own weight.]
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[she seems a little amused at this.]
I've been told that a couple times here, so I'm passing on the message.
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[there's a little grin.]
Have you listened to that advice, too?
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About as much as you have, sure.
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So what I'm hearing is we're both works in progress and other people are doing their best to make the lesson stick. Guess it'd be pretty rude not to listen.
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Hah! That's a pretty good summary, yeah. [a beat.] ... Hey - thank you. For coming to find me, after all that.
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[they can support each other...]
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You've got me all figured out, huh. [amused. not wry or anything, she just thinks it's funny that aerith knows her so well.] Let's not be alone then, huh? Let's go for a walk. I could use that.
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You've let me. Thank you for that. [genuine.] A walk sounds good to me though. Ready when you are.
[walkies are nice. let's go wind down.]