[this is cute, she's so fond. he can probably see her tail wriggling happily at that.]
Ah, I just... I told you the other day about how I worry about Suguru, and it's that all over again. Never going to stop people from having the choice, right? I'd be a hypocrite, I asked Gale and Astarion to finish me off, so I can't be too cross with Mathis asking Suguru.
[silence, for a moment, as her thoughts scribble.]
Still am a bit, though.
[and a stray thought out of that scribble: if I'd stuck around, kept living, I could've done it instead.]
[ He's quiet as he listens, nodding his head as he thinks back on their last conversation about Suguru. ]
He's making some very difficult decisions, isn't he?
[ Decisions that Aventurine most certainly would not wish upon anyone. Especially not Karlach as he overhears that thoughtshare. His own emotions are troubled, something a little more personal dwelling at the edges. ]
Let your emotions be your emotions, Karlach. Logic doesn't have to come into play with every part of us.
Well, that's my problem, isn't it. I usually only let my emotions be emotions.
[but these don't feel like very fair ones, to her, and she doesn't want to hurt someone because she was careless with what she said. still. it doesn't mean she doesn't feel some nastiness on the inside about it anyway.]
It's a complicated thing, yeah? Nobody is happy about any part of it.
[ Understanding creeps into the space between them, and Aventurine stares up at the ceiling with a carefully blank look on his face. ]
I was, or am, upset at Lucas. After he killed Nehan and the others.
[ Some tension here, strained and unsettled, but his voice remains steady. ]
And he wasn't even himself at the time, so it feels especially unfair to be angry with him. But, I think, knowing what I do about the people who were hurt, knowing how much they've been hurt before, it's made my emotions that much worse.
[she shifts, and turns to face him - though she doesn't stare, just glances, and then looks at the floor.]
Yeah. [understanding from her, too. nehan especially - but she obviously was unhappy about boothill, and she worries about kanda even if he thinks she's annoying.
silence, for a moment, and then:]
From someone who killed someone else while out of their mind - sometimes it's easier to take anger than forgiveness. Think maybe Lucas feels that way too.
[ The bitter curl of guilt settles over the air, entirely coming from Aventurine's end. ]
... He's already faced so much anger.
[ That very first time Lucas had arrived in their town, it had been like watching a witch hunt. It had made Aventurine uncomfortable at the time, and it's strange to be on the other side of that now. But he has his reasons beyond the four senseless deaths, none of them easy to talk about. ]
I don't plan on staying angry with him for very long. The same way I imagine you won't be holding a grudge against Mathis forever.
[genuinely - because she loves lucas, and she knows how much he's been through, too. all of them in this place have been through genuinely awful shit. but feelings are feelings, and it's better to feel them. to get them out in the open, where they don't rot. she believes that.
there's a little ping of something like... coaxing, reassuring from her, when she feels all that guilt, but she doesn't press. just eases her shoulders down, glancing up at him again.
her tail swishes back and forth.]
And you're right. I won't be angry forever. I'm getting it out of my system with you, because I trust you.
[ It's a familiar feeling from her, more blatant in the way that they're able to share emotions with each other, but no less that same, comforting reassurance that she normally gives off. ]
I trust you, too. You're welcome to vent your frustrations to me at any time.
[ Heaven knows he's done much of the same to her. ]
You've become a valuable friend to me, Karlach, and I don't say that lightly.
[a smile, at that, and there's like - relief, and a pleased little buzz of happiness.]
That makes me happy, Aventurine, you've got no idea. [she'll just say it. a beat.] After all this, if you ever need help with anything, you can call on me.
[...]
You might also get a two for one cowboy deal, but I think that's implied.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ Then he'll be honest too. ]
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Ah, I just... I told you the other day about how I worry about Suguru, and it's that all over again. Never going to stop people from having the choice, right? I'd be a hypocrite, I asked Gale and Astarion to finish me off, so I can't be too cross with Mathis asking Suguru.
[silence, for a moment, as her thoughts scribble.]
Still am a bit, though.
[and a stray thought out of that scribble: if I'd stuck around, kept living, I could've done it instead.]
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He's making some very difficult decisions, isn't he?
[ Decisions that Aventurine most certainly would not wish upon anyone. Especially not Karlach as he overhears that thoughtshare. His own emotions are troubled, something a little more personal dwelling at the edges. ]
Let your emotions be your emotions, Karlach. Logic doesn't have to come into play with every part of us.
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[but these don't feel like very fair ones, to her, and she doesn't want to hurt someone because she was careless with what she said. still. it doesn't mean she doesn't feel some nastiness on the inside about it anyway.]
It's a complicated thing, yeah? Nobody is happy about any part of it.
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I was, or am, upset at Lucas. After he killed Nehan and the others.
[ Some tension here, strained and unsettled, but his voice remains steady. ]
And he wasn't even himself at the time, so it feels especially unfair to be angry with him. But, I think, knowing what I do about the people who were hurt, knowing how much they've been hurt before, it's made my emotions that much worse.
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Yeah. [understanding from her, too. nehan especially - but she obviously was unhappy about boothill, and she worries about kanda even if he thinks she's annoying.
silence, for a moment, and then:]
From someone who killed someone else while out of their mind - sometimes it's easier to take anger than forgiveness. Think maybe Lucas feels that way too.
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... He's already faced so much anger.
[ That very first time Lucas had arrived in their town, it had been like watching a witch hunt. It had made Aventurine uncomfortable at the time, and it's strange to be on the other side of that now. But he has his reasons beyond the four senseless deaths, none of them easy to talk about. ]
I don't plan on staying angry with him for very long. The same way I imagine you won't be holding a grudge against Mathis forever.
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[genuinely - because she loves lucas, and she knows how much he's been through, too. all of them in this place have been through genuinely awful shit. but feelings are feelings, and it's better to feel them. to get them out in the open, where they don't rot. she believes that.
there's a little ping of something like... coaxing, reassuring from her, when she feels all that guilt, but she doesn't press. just eases her shoulders down, glancing up at him again.
her tail swishes back and forth.]
And you're right. I won't be angry forever. I'm getting it out of my system with you, because I trust you.
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I trust you, too. You're welcome to vent your frustrations to me at any time.
[ Heaven knows he's done much of the same to her. ]
You've become a valuable friend to me, Karlach, and I don't say that lightly.
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That makes me happy, Aventurine, you've got no idea. [she'll just say it. a beat.] After all this, if you ever need help with anything, you can call on me.
[...]
You might also get a two for one cowboy deal, but I think that's implied.
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I guess I shouldn't act too surprised.
[ While he still manages to butt heads with Boothill every now and again, this is happy, welcome news. ]
Should everything work out in the end, I'll treat you to whatever you want back where we're from.
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I'll hold you to that. You're not rid of me yet.