[if she's honest, she doesn't even really want him to be mad at her. she'd get it, and it'd make sense - that's what it is, it'd make sense, it'd be like, logical. a path to follow. because if he was mad, she could fix it, she could ask for forgiveness, and then it'd be resolved. but she's still working through it, so to skip all the way to the end straight to the forgiveness puts her off balance. to get i forgive you, it's my fault feels wrong.
You should be upset. You died. It hurt. It hurt people, it hurt you. You suffered. it's what he's saying to her. she's not saying it should be at her, necessarily (it'd be easier, it's the first thing that comes to mind), she just wants him to take the time to work through and think about it. that he's allowed to be. he can choose not to be, but he's allowed to be.
maybe she can't undo his low self worth, but she wishes that she wasn't making it worse.
her emotions are just worn. worn out, down to the bone. there's guilt she can't shake. there's a lot, from her adventure, from the breakin, that she doesn't know how to deal with. she's tired of being strong.]
[ maybe this is working through it. there’s no sense that he’s not allowed to be upset - he just isn’t. in the grand scheme of things, to be a ravus has always meant a death, though one protecting others. his death didn’t feel much like that, and in the end, those are the complexities he has to grapple with. feelings of anger and upset are wasted, when that energy could be used for caring for others instead, for working hard to get stronger. the truth is he’s already chosen.
there’s so much weight that could be carried, but he has to persevere forward. he has to let it go. the past is the past, and there’s no changing it - rondo would rather focus on becoming stronger than wallow at all in how he failed. it's hard to do that - harder than it's ever been - but he'll get there. that light inside you can never, ever go out.
karlach’s misery and exhaustion press on him far more than his own self esteem at the moment, anyway. there’s anxiety thrumming low underneath his emotions, because he can tell “I’ll try” isn’t enough, but it’s all he can give— anything else would be a lie, and he's never been a liar. at least, hopefully, karlach can know one thing is true - when rondo says he'll try something, he means it.
after a long moment, he reaches into his pockets, and pulls out a purple, silk handkerchief, and offers it to her, a little helplessly. he's crying, she's crying, what a day. ]
Here. And...let’s get inside. Step by step, right...?
[ step by step in all things. ]
Edited (this is what i get for tagging at like 3 AM est why the fuck was i awake) 2024-07-20 14:12 (UTC)
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no subject
You should be upset. You died. It hurt. It hurt people, it hurt you. You suffered. it's what he's saying to her. she's not saying it should be at her, necessarily (it'd be easier, it's the first thing that comes to mind), she just wants him to take the time to work through and think about it. that he's allowed to be. he can choose not to be, but he's allowed to be.
maybe she can't undo his low self worth, but she wishes that she wasn't making it worse.
her emotions are just worn. worn out, down to the bone. there's guilt she can't shake. there's a lot, from her adventure, from the breakin, that she doesn't know how to deal with. she's tired of being strong.]
Okay.
[is all she can manage.]
no subject
there’s so much weight that could be carried, but he has to persevere forward. he has to let it go. the past is the past, and there’s no changing it - rondo would rather focus on becoming stronger than wallow at all in how he failed. it's hard to do that - harder than it's ever been - but he'll get there. that light inside you can never, ever go out.
karlach’s misery and exhaustion press on him far more than his own self esteem at the moment, anyway. there’s anxiety thrumming low underneath his emotions, because he can tell “I’ll try” isn’t enough, but it’s all he can give— anything else would be a lie, and he's never been a liar. at least, hopefully, karlach can know one thing is true - when rondo says he'll try something, he means it.
after a long moment, he reaches into his pockets, and pulls out a purple, silk handkerchief, and offers it to her, a little helplessly. he's crying, she's crying, what a day. ]
Here. And...let’s get inside. Step by step, right...?
[ step by step in all things. ]