[yeah, she's with him there. she absently rubs at her engine.]
I was so against it for the same reason. But I'd talked to Famine about it over and over, and Gale and Astarion. Almost everybody who saw my memories last week asked me to try. And if it isn't immediately the end...
[a beat.]
I found mine. Still not very sure I regret it or not.
...It feels a little odd to say congratulations. [ because - yeah. it sits kind of weird and bad and wrong. ]
Well... there's... the failsafe in place - I know at least one person who is unpartnered, for sure, so... if something goes wrong. [ but. yeah. it's scary. he bites his lip, eyes flicking to her engine heart. ] I do think... if anyone ought to be able to utilize a wish like that, it should be you, Karlach.
Mr. Gale's...one of the reasons that I've been thinking about it a little more. His reason for wanting the wish - it feels cruel to have possibly kept him from it. It's.. a lot to weigh.
... I've not asked for any hints or anything for mine, so I don't... I don't have any idea who it could even be. I just know it's someone who is still alive.
[ what if he's the barrier keeping gale from getting his wish? but what if something happens - god, what if he dies? what if he gets possessed? what if they are partners, and he can't protect gale, and it's all for naught? there are so, so many questions with this kind of thing, but it feels - somehow, it just feels selfish to hold onto it in the face of such an important wish as gale's.
he looks down at scratch and away from karlach, trying to find the answers in petting a dog. ]
You can tell me whatever you want. But it's not your fault if you don't want to, Rondo. Also not your responsibility. [she doesn't want him to think that it'd be his fault if he couldn't bring himself to risk this sort of thing. it's not just one person's life - it's two people's lives. it's rondo's, too.
But - [ his voice immediately gets emotional, brows knitting together as he takes her hand and squeezes it] if I was his match, then - he could get his wish! [ and a little quieter: ] ...And then you could get yours.
[ and the idea of preventing two people he cares about very much from - from living, that's terrifying, too. this could all be nothing - they could not be a match, at all. but the idea of connecting gale to his own life. terrifying. what if he failed? is he confident enough for that? is he good enough to protect someone else like that? ]
[she takes his face in her other hand, tapping his cheek with her claw gently.]
It isn't your responsibility. Your entire - everything, yeah? Your soul, your mind, your body, all that, it belongs to you and just you. If it'd hurt you to do it, neither me or Gale would want you to. You might not match at all, and it wouldn't even matter, but the point is, sweetheart, you haven't got to hurt yourself to save someone else.
[hypocritical behavior, but.]
It isn't only on your shoulders. It's a horrible fucking choice to make, that's why this place hurts to be in so bad. But at the end of it, only you get to decide what you do with your life, because it's yours.
[ he will let her do this - in fact, his cheek presses a little into the touch, always seeking it, brows knit together, expression searching and upset. he's listening, of course, taking in every word, but... ]
...you're giving up yours to help Mr. Gale.
[ ...but in the end, he and karlach are the same for so many reasons, and perhaps none more than their values, so tightly held even in this awful place. ]
what's the right thing to do? to be able to save one person - a wish that could help, but with no way to protect that person to ensure that comes true. to keep it secret - to keep that person from dying here, but potentially doom them in the process.
and there's no way for him to know if he doesn't try, right? it might not even be a match. it's not a time to be afraid. ]
[ gods, but his knees almost give out. his expression is impossible for a second - a wild flicker of emotions between sorrow and relief, and he. hiccups a little and nods, trying to keep himself from crying. it's not even that he's upset that they don't match, it's just. like the opening of the flood gate.
brave, not brave. quietly: ] I don't want either of you to die.
[ it makes him feel small, and childish, and silly, just to say so. ]
I know you don't. We're not out of options. [kisses the top of his head.] Sort of glad it's not you, no offense - I don't want that on your shoulders when you've got so much already.
[ gurgles. okay, he'll allow himself to be hugged, but it just feels... bad. it just feels really bad. he's become so weak again, unable to do anything to protect the people he cares about - so weak that he needs so much comforting, so much coddling. he's not sure if it'd be better or worse, but he hides the guilty feeling away when karlach hugs him, tucking his face into her shoulder. mmf.
he at least doesn't let himself dwell - and he returns the hug, gently. ]
... you can tell me if you want to, but you don't have to.
[ it's fine its the bad brain. he doesn't linger on it, at least!! and he tilts his head back to actually look at her when she says it, looking a little confused... curious? ]
Another one I've never heard of...there truly are so many types of monsters. Did you ask about it...?
[ perking up again, back to his usual !!!!!! WHAT A NEAT POWER ] And... well, it must be nice, right? If oni are evil, if you can use that power to send people nice things. It's like reclaiming it.
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I was so against it for the same reason. But I'd talked to Famine about it over and over, and Gale and Astarion. Almost everybody who saw my memories last week asked me to try. And if it isn't immediately the end...
[a beat.]
I found mine. Still not very sure I regret it or not.
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...It feels a little odd to say congratulations. [ because - yeah. it sits kind of weird and bad and wrong. ]
Well... there's... the failsafe in place - I know at least one person who is unpartnered, for sure, so... if something goes wrong. [ but. yeah. it's scary. he bites his lip, eyes flicking to her engine heart. ] I do think... if anyone ought to be able to utilize a wish like that, it should be you, Karlach.
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[a beat.]
... Yeah, well. I'm not using it on me.
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... thinks about it...]
...Mr. Gale, right?
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Yeah. Haven't finalized it, but - I won't let it be the end for him.
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[ he looks down at his hands. ]
...Do you know what his is?
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His what, monster? Yeah.
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[ what if he's the barrier keeping gale from getting his wish? but what if something happens - god, what if he dies? what if he gets possessed? what if they are partners, and he can't protect gale, and it's all for naught? there are so, so many questions with this kind of thing, but it feels - somehow, it just feels selfish to hold onto it in the face of such an important wish as gale's.
he looks down at scratch and away from karlach, trying to find the answers in petting a dog. ]
I could... tell you mine.
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You can tell me whatever you want. But it's not your fault if you don't want to, Rondo. Also not your responsibility. [she doesn't want him to think that it'd be his fault if he couldn't bring himself to risk this sort of thing. it's not just one person's life - it's two people's lives. it's rondo's, too.
scratch whines quietly, crowding in close.]
Up to you.
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[ and the idea of preventing two people he cares about very much from - from living, that's terrifying, too. this could all be nothing - they could not be a match, at all. but the idea of connecting gale to his own life. terrifying. what if he failed? is he confident enough for that? is he good enough to protect someone else like that? ]
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[she takes his face in her other hand, tapping his cheek with her claw gently.]
It isn't your responsibility. Your entire - everything, yeah? Your soul, your mind, your body, all that, it belongs to you and just you. If it'd hurt you to do it, neither me or Gale would want you to. You might not match at all, and it wouldn't even matter, but the point is, sweetheart, you haven't got to hurt yourself to save someone else.
[hypocritical behavior, but.]
It isn't only on your shoulders. It's a horrible fucking choice to make, that's why this place hurts to be in so bad. But at the end of it, only you get to decide what you do with your life, because it's yours.
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...you're giving up yours to help Mr. Gale.
[ ...but in the end, he and karlach are the same for so many reasons, and perhaps none more than their values, so tightly held even in this awful place. ]
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But what I'm telling you is that you don't have to. Because it's your life, and your control.
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what's the right thing to do? to be able to save one person - a wish that could help, but with no way to protect that person to ensure that comes true. to keep it secret - to keep that person from dying here, but potentially doom them in the process.
and there's no way for him to know if he doesn't try, right? it might not even be a match. it's not a time to be afraid. ]
It's a sphinx.
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Doesn't match. [gently, soft.] It's brave of you, though. You're very brave, to want to help him.
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brave, not brave. quietly: ] I don't want either of you to die.
[ it makes him feel small, and childish, and silly, just to say so. ]
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okay, come here, come here. hugs!!]
I know you don't. We're not out of options. [kisses the top of his head.] Sort of glad it's not you, no offense - I don't want that on your shoulders when you've got so much already.
[a beat.]
D'you want mine? It's my last one.
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he at least doesn't let himself dwell - and he returns the hug, gently. ]
... you can tell me if you want to, but you don't have to.
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I'm an Oni. [says it easily enough.]
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Another one I've never heard of...there truly are so many types of monsters. Did you ask about it...?
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Ask about it how? We've got them at home, so I assume they're similar.
[again (karlach voice) that's a bit racist i'm a tiefling]
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What are oni...?
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They're... giants, technically? Evil things, mostly. I don't know what my power has to do with them, but - it's sending dreams.
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[ perking up again, back to his usual !!!!!! WHAT A NEAT POWER ] And... well, it must be nice, right? If oni are evil, if you can use that power to send people nice things. It's like reclaiming it.
That's way better than mine.
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[gazes...]
What's yours, then?
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