[ WAAAA he's glad - it's good! it's good that she's allowing herself to be sad, but also, his heart breaks for the hundredth time, and rondo wipes the tears with his thumbs automatically, fussy and supportive, smiling a little helplessly but no less sincere. ]
I know I've certainly been changed for the better for knowing you, Karlach. [ rondo says, sincere and serious as always. she's someone that he admires and looks up to, a person whose strength of character, strength of heart is something to be admired, to be trusted. it's something that rondo always strives for.] I've enjoyed every moment we've spent together - and I'm sure everyone here would say the same.
Yeah. Hah, yeah, I've... I've heard people tell me that. I'm glad. That's all I want, I just want you all to remember me like that. [a hiccup, and she swallows hard.
a pause, and she sniffs, another couple tears leaking down her face.]
I - Gods, I don't want to die.
[her voice breaks in the middle of it, a helpless laugh.]
[ god. well, okay, listen, he's too empathetic for anything but to tear up, too - his eyes well up, and he looks at her, still holding her face in his hands. ]
I don't want you to die, either. [ sincere, genuine, as always. emotional. hurting for karlach, for the future that she crawled through hell for, literally, only to know it'd be taken away. it's not - it's not fair. for someone so good, and someone so wonderful, to be stolen away. to be betrayed, to fight back, and for what? for futility. maybe joy is the only way through something like this.
but he rubs the tears away there, too, sniffling. ] I wish - I wish there was something. Maybe... maybe someone here can help.
[but she doesn't want to get that particular hope up. she doesn't think she'd survive that one, heart or not. people have tried - the wish, they say, or technology, or magic, but she can't let this one in. she just has to enjoy what she has.
[ he can't even try to hide it - rondo's bad at it, so it's clear that hurt flickers across his face. not because of what karlach said, but because of the act itself.
he nods, once, hands curling into fists in his lap. ]
... And I thought... I thought he trusted me, too. [ sazantos had even said so. rondo will never forget the way he felt, the i trust you to have my back, rondo that sent his heart to the stratosphere during the attack on emberglow. he thought. he thought he knew who sazantos was.
... Think he did. [she says, finally.] Sometimes trust isn't enough, though. Sometimes whatever is in their head is too much to fight.
He seemed tired. [...] And you can't always help with that. You can try. You always can try. But sometimes that's all. They've got to take the hand you're offering.
[ "he seems tired", she says. the more he thinks about it, the more it makes sense. it makes rondo's heart hurt, to think, that he could do so little. if he could turn back time, he would. ]
...right. [ by now, he's accepted what he has to do - that he has to fight him, that he was fighting him, but... the regrets of the past are so heavy, he's not sure he'll ever actually let him go.
rondo lifts takes a deep breath. in. out. ]
In the end, it's... I can only hope that my companions have finished the fight, now. I have his sword, so I pray that it was easier because of it.
[ though it doesn't quite make up for not being able to say goodbye. ]
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I know I've certainly been changed for the better for knowing you, Karlach. [ rondo says, sincere and serious as always. she's someone that he admires and looks up to, a person whose strength of character, strength of heart is something to be admired, to be trusted. it's something that rondo always strives for.] I've enjoyed every moment we've spent together - and I'm sure everyone here would say the same.
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Yeah. Hah, yeah, I've... I've heard people tell me that. I'm glad. That's all I want, I just want you all to remember me like that. [a hiccup, and she swallows hard.
a pause, and she sniffs, another couple tears leaking down her face.]
I - Gods, I don't want to die.
[her voice breaks in the middle of it, a helpless laugh.]
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I don't want you to die, either. [ sincere, genuine, as always. emotional. hurting for karlach, for the future that she crawled through hell for, literally, only to know it'd be taken away. it's not - it's not fair. for someone so good, and someone so wonderful, to be stolen away. to be betrayed, to fight back, and for what? for futility. maybe joy is the only way through something like this.
but he rubs the tears away there, too, sniffling. ] I wish - I wish there was something. Maybe... maybe someone here can help.
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... Maybe.
[but she doesn't want to get that particular hope up. she doesn't think she'd survive that one, heart or not. people have tried - the wish, they say, or technology, or magic, but she can't let this one in. she just has to enjoy what she has.
it's too scary to do otherwise.]
Wouldn't count on it, though.
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...mm.
[ rondo's going to say something else but it's thursday so memshare time!!! i waffled forever but this is the one you get.
when the memory finishes, rondo's hand is up, resting very lightly on his throat. ]
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and then:]
... Rondo. [alright, buddy. let's talk about it. there's so much to unpack - but she's steady, and calm, resting her hand on his back.]
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... It's okay, Karlach. [ he says, exhaling out - his shoulders roll back. ] I'm... it's okay.
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[accepting, but dimmed.]
You trusted that guy. More than anything.
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he nods, once, hands curling into fists in his lap. ]
... And I thought... I thought he trusted me, too. [ sazantos had even said so. rondo will never forget the way he felt, the i trust you to have my back, rondo that sent his heart to the stratosphere during the attack on emberglow. he thought. he thought he knew who sazantos was.
he thought a lot of things. ]
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He seemed tired. [...] And you can't always help with that. You can try. You always can try. But sometimes that's all. They've got to take the hand you're offering.
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...right. [ by now, he's accepted what he has to do - that he has to fight him, that he was fighting him, but... the regrets of the past are so heavy, he's not sure he'll ever actually let him go.
rondo lifts takes a deep breath. in. out. ]
In the end, it's... I can only hope that my companions have finished the fight, now. I have his sword, so I pray that it was easier because of it.
[ though it doesn't quite make up for not being able to say goodbye. ]